why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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