she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
