i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
