She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
