My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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