i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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