well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
