we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
