i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
