She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
