dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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