At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
