I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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