I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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