im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
me + whiskey = a bad person
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
