I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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