Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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