Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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