She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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