I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
