Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
