just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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