I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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