please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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