Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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