I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
