I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
