Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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