I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
