Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
