we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
