its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
