is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
