i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
