you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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