Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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