ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
