i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
