ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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