Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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