she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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