I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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