today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I touched a dick in church today
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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