Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Fuck appropriateness.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
