Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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