The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
