Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
