I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
