you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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