Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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