well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
