I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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