I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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