i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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