I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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