He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
