Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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