ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
