im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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