Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
