Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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