People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
