if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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