They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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