Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it hurts more in the daytime
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
