The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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