Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
