I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
