hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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