I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
