Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you bring me the toilet please
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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