The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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