How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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