Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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