Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
