after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
